Bonus: Resilience

Yesterday in class, every Tuesday we have an organization called Olweus (pronounced as oh-vay-es) where they have little inspirational video clips or messages that the whole school during a certain period have to stop their course to teach the students this special lesson. Which I think it superb way to snap students back in reality and give them a dose of sanity. The assignment she had given us was to write an essay on resilience and how you see yourself, if you’re resilience and to what. This blogpost I wanted to share with you what I had written:

The difficulty in today’s society is the ability to distinguish between the truth and the made up. The key factor in be resilient is based on one’s self esteem and just with it, it is constantly being challenged. Whether it is being attacked through interpersonal or intrapersonal relationships, many people around my age (sometimes myself even) doesn’t see the other choices rather than to simply accept what is being said.

Though I am not the strongest person out of the bunch and have a bad habit of taking any commentary, good or bad, to heart, at the end of the day the only person you have to prove is yourself. Physically we have to learn to live with ourselves, learn to love ourselves, and evaluate the flaws. Turn them into weapons of success and do not forget the emotionally/mentally person you are because it is just as important to be psychologically healthy.

Pretty cliche but sometimes people have to be reminded of the obvious to take into consideration that maybe that the “obvious” is something important to be reminded of. Changes may not be the easiest or the smoothest of transitions to overcome but once they’re made I am certain the view will be better than before. When the sensation that nothing is turning out as planned, that should be an immediate flag that you are going the wrong direction. Which in this case, something needs to change if you want to view different outcomes.

How does this connect to the trait of resilience? I find that what I’ve mentioned before such as self esteem, physically and mental preparedness, and choices are all the ingredients that are used to make resilience. For myself, I consider myself to be a resilient person who finds herself formulating choices that will be productive in any shape or form. Though resilience is a skill that needs constant checking so it would not crumble all at once, is fine by me. Everything can use a bit of fiddling to find out where you may stand and as my teacher said, “it all gets better with age”. (not sure she wants to be mentioned but if you’re reading this, I hope it is okay to quote you!)

Through what experiences have you been resilient to?

xx Chavelita 

Expectations

Well my first day of school was yesterday and by the look of the lack of the blogpost yesterday it was one hell of a day. First days of school are the worst for me everything was turned upside down or inside out (whichever you prefer) and I did not enjoy it. Bright side was to be able to see my friends but even then that is limited. The classes that I have are not quite what I thought it would be, some of my favorite classes are no longer my favorite because of the switching of teachers or the switch of the students. Changes are hard, I understand that they are supposed to be because it measures your ability to spring back into the right direction or a new direction but I am honestly worried about this year. This is not very positive blogpost but I am not going to apologize for how I feel because I am too human, we are all a little broken. Sometimes we feel weak and we have reached those moments where you are just trying to place all the positives together to out balance the negatives.

The reason why transitions are hard for me because I am so accustomed to how my life was last school year and growing close to my classmates that now being placed in a group of people I barely speak to, its like all the odds are against me. To be a child of a military father, it was something you were either ready or not there was no choices if you wanted to leave. And here I am, still not used to it. Total survival of the fittest and as much as I prefer to be on my own, I know I cannot always be and being with a group of unfamiliar people makes the situation seem sketchy for me. When students who do not take their work as serious are placed in the same group as me, it makes me upset because I know where they all lead to: me doing all the work. I am no one’s guinea pig, I am a leader and if people are not going to follow or at least cooperate than why should I cooperate with them? I’m just already stressed and I know I shouldn’t be because it’s barely the second day of school. I am trying to pull through, make the best out of my senior year, and complete all the work that comes at me.

The title of this blogpost is expectations. At any given moment there will be times where we are tossed the unexpected and have to learn to deal with them. Just because something was decent or great the year before, it does not always determine where you will be the next year. What you may have experienced the first time will not have the same effect as it does the second time. People change, situations change, and to cope with them has its own story. Though it is possible to overcome these obstacles, when you feel your weakest is when your window of opportunity comes to become a stronger person than you already are. I just have to reshape my comfort zone again and take my best friend’s advice and open up more to people. Not on a personal level but as an acquaintance or at least to the point where I do not feel as lonely or a stranger when I do not have my support system with me.

As I mentioned before school has started for me which means that I will be posting less. I have decided that I should post at least three times in a week maybe the weekend with the addition of Wednesday? Depends on how much will be on my plate according to my schedule.

How do you recall your first day of school?

xx Chavelita

Strong or stronger?

Hi everyone one, I apologize for not posting yesterday but today I was speaking to a great friend of mine and the topic of being a strong person came up. 

First of all, everyone may have problems whether they’re the size of the Himalayas or as a tiny as a grain of sand, since when was asking for help a sign of weakness? Which in fact I think of as the first step of recovery, the realization that you cannot manage and need someone else because you recognize your problem whether than pushing it aside until another problem comes along and stacks on top. There is only so many problems we can stack up until the volcano erupts hurting everyone in sight. Though the beauty of an eruption is that you create new beautiful things. The truth comes up burns the surface and your new beginning gives fruit. Solving your problems opens a new window of opportunity and uplifts your mind from the fog. 

Secondly, strength is measured through the experiences you have gone through, which all of you have gone through a few. Congratulations, you’re strong so stop underestimating yourself and grab the help you need or find the conclusion to your issue yourself and prove that you can overcome that obstacle. Please stop hiding the fact that you may be tearing apart inside, there is always someone out there who is willing to listen to you and although they made not give you the proper advice just know that you’re not alone. Think of that support system I’ve mentioned a few days ago and build yourself up from there. 

Lastly, starting something new is always the greatest struggle but as the days go by what may seem so difficult a few days ago, is now somewhat bearable. Be patient, like I told my friend everything happens for a reason and instead of searching for that answer that you stubbornly try to solve, try to find a way to the answer. Answers come through experience, so eventually that experience will come along and you’ll find the answer you’ve been looking for. It is okay to not know something, that’s the lovely thing about learning. (Honestly the more you know, the more you question…) Do not just sit there and think of the millions of possibilities, you will only overwhelm yourself and not get anywhere. Turn the page of your story, accept the things you can’t change and continue moving forward with the things you can change. 

I don’t want to see anyone struggling alone, I hope this helps. 

Reminder, take care of yourself before you can take care of others. 

What is a obstacle in your life that you overcame and how did you feel afterwards?

xx Chavelita 

Unplugging

There are just days where I simply want to unplug from everything, turn off my cellphone service, disconnect my laptop from the wifi hotspot, and go outside. I know shocker, Isabel a hermit crab in her own house going outside for a little R & R with nature. Can she handle it? Of course. And it’s probably a good way to reset your system (the more alone you are without the distraction of others, the better in my opinion) It’s not because I’m upset at the world that I feel like disconnecting but sometimes it is too overwhelming for me to handle that I need to step back from all this advancement, hit pause, and breathe. I begin to stress over things that are not even pertaining to me and I don’t need any unneeded stress and you shouldn’t either. There are days I reminisce when the only things I had to worry about was that I if I’m wearing my clothes correctly, being on time to watch Drake & Josh, and to find a friend on my street that will come play Polly Pockets with me in the open garage. Technology is becoming an addiction to us and I’m concerned as to what will come next. It’s like I’m running but I’m not able to catch up because the finish line is always extending itself. There are days where I ask myself why do I own a phone if all it does is live in my pocket silently. If there was other ways of contacting my mother without my cellphone, I’d probably not own a phone in the first place because that was my main concern. I wish there was more parks around where I live maybe then will people come out to enjoy the sun and the swings. I sense this is more of a thought than a an advice today but don’t forget that there is more to what is on a glass screen. If needed take a friend with you and go on a mini adventure. Create new memories without the need of technology, think of them as little secrets for your own keepsakes. 

Anything you miss before technology took over?

xx Chavelita

How much are you covering?

“Who are you impressing today?”

Is like every time I do my hair I am asked that. Wearing good looking clothes? You’re asked the same question. Wearing clothes out of your normal style? The question pops up once again. Wearing makeup or putting a little bit of extra accessories on? Exactly.

My answer? I do not dress to impress.

Now that answer may have different definitions.

1. I can careless as to what I wear.
2. I can careless about what people think of what I wear, it is for my self benefit and comfort.
3. Since when did I start to impress others?
4. At least I am dressed and not getting tickets for public disturbance. 

I dress the way I am to represent the person I am and sometimes the person I am likes to change things up a bit. Just as repeating that question over and over again can get tiring, repeating the same look can get tiring. A bit of change is healthy. Being in the comfort zone can get a bit stuffy and we need to get out for some fresh air filled with new ideas. To remove yourself out of the comfort zone is already difficult as it is, so why must someone make it more difficult to question our actions? Do not assume that the changes made is not the main purpose of impressing others or for a particular someone, but more to prove that you are much more than the person people may think you are. And if you are impressing someone, I am sure they will be stunned either way. Wear whatever it is that makes you happy whether it is the new suede pumps you bought, lipstick in the shade of purple, or a tight attire to emphasis your figure. Instead of people implying that you look beautiful/handsome, they should just straightly tell you (come on, why else would they ask?). I think people may ask this overused question is because they wish they could do the same thing you are doing, and that is to not be afraid of wanting to wear what they liked and bought. Just as negativity could be infectious, positive outputs could also strike chords. It all depends on how the person decides to view it though so be patient. They will soon realize that they could also dress to not impress. For now just ignore the question and do not let it stop you, each fashion trend has to start out someway, right?

What is your favorite piece of clothing/makeup/accessory that makes you stand out from others and make you happy?

xx Chavelita

Why are you so confident?

Yes I was on Ask.Fm again, and yes there is still some disrespectful people on there but that is the wrong blogpost, as I was getting ready for bed someone sends me this question, “Why are you so pretty and confident!!” Although there is no question mark found in that sentence I couldn’t stop blushing. I was a bit starstruck you can say to an anonymous. And I replied,

“I’m pretty because of my genes (don’t ask what in my weird mind made me say that) and I’m guessing my personality aha and I’m confident because I’m tired of people taking others for granted and not speaking up for themselves (that used to be me). So I try to present the image of a confident lady so I inspire others to be confident in themselves. Embrace yourself, flaunt your flaws and someone will come along and love you for who you are. It’s all in my blog honestly. And thank you. :)”

I wanted to elaborate more on that response because confidence is something that we all struggle to gain. Some days our confidence level is at the brim ready to spill out and other days we barely have any confidence to even leave the house. Confidence is hard. I am not going to lie or sugarcoat. There are days that I stare myself in the mirror and wonder what people see in me or notice in just that short glimpse. Not much other than my physical features such as I am a short female with dark brown eyes and dark brown hair. I feel people at first impression only see maybe ten percent of the person you are. The rest of the ninety percent is all formulated through experiences, stories, and memories. So it wouldn’t be fair to compare your whole one hundred percent on someone else’s ten percent. You are not giving yourself a chance nor are you giving the other person a chance. I know looks can be deceiving, people’s behavior can be confusing, and meeting people for the first time can be a bit of a plot twist. Though we are not all perfect, even those who may be bubbly most of the time face similar issues so please do not compare yourself or create assumptions that they have it better. With confidence comes power and without confidence comes with insecurities. In my opinion, I would rather have a little bit of power than a whole load of insecurities. Insecurities are like the Thursday’s in my life in a school week, it would feel like a Friday but you still have another day to go until the weekend. You have to learn to live with your insecurities, become best friends to the point where you know them inside and out that allows you to gain your own voice. Then maybe the ten percent that you are allowing people to see will become an eleven percent or higher.

The way I gain confidence is learning from my previous mistakes and how uncomfortable and frustrating they caused me at the time. I remember going to church one day with my family and we went to a different mass than the one we normally go to and my luck I was sitting next to someone I did not know. I would of not mind other than the fact that the man would not give me my personal space. I kindly pushed him away but he kept pushing back. My mom noticed how uncomfortable I was so she switched seats with me and told the man what he was doing. I wish I had spoken up that day…

One of the largest pet peeves is when people instead of asking me to help them on homework (which I would try my best in doing) ask me for the answers. I am no homework bank where I can reproduce you the work at any given moment for no cost. It’s probably the only time where I am noticed from others around my age group and it aggravates me. Though do not do what I did and question, “why am I so different from everyone else? why don’t I fit in?”. You do fit in somewhere, maybe not with the group you think you did but somewhere else and I will tell you when you find your group you will feel so much better. Your self image will bloom and you will laugh at those people searching for other sources of gaining their work. Do not lower your standards to people who will not live up to them, change because of your own benefit.

What is something that annoys you about people?

xx Chavelita

That awkward moment when we all succeed…

How come some people like to state the obvious? “Hey you’re short!” “Did you see the size of that pimple on that person’s face?” Why is it that we create judgements before we have the time to get to know the person for who they really are? It seems a bit unfair if you ask me, call me a hypocrite because I do it too but instead of pointing out the negatives why not the positives or point something that you do not normally see in someone?

To distinguish the traits of others is beautiful for the fact that you are recognizing for the person they are, though when the gossip begins it is not only destroying the image of that person but your image. Whatever it is that you do, reflects back. Not all the time when you do a kind gesture you will get a kind reflection back but it should not stop you to continue those gestures. People are forgetting what it is to be nice to others, that when you do something nice in return they think that it is because you want something in return. One of the worst phrases I have been hearing more often is, “It’s okay, I am used to it.” No it’s not okay that people treat you like dirt, it’s not okay when someone abuses your rights or does not give you an equal opportunity like others, IT’S NOT OKAY TO TAKE LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE. If you put enough effort in what you do, you should not be the one having to bust your ass for others incompetence. Yes you should help others, but not until the point where you find yourself having to pull everyone else’s weight because that is not your job. If people are not willing to take things into serious manners and not work for the position they want, it is their failure not yours. Do not take the fall for someone else, that will only underestimate the talents you are presenting and people will only assume that they can take you for granted. Be confident speak up when you do not like something, be open-minded to what is being said but not gullible that you will believe in everything you hear, be kind to remind people that kindness still exist, and love yourself for every flaw that you may not like and use it as your super power to defeat those who point them out. If you are already acquainted with your weakness, then it is a head start to happiness in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent“. Be proud of who you are, forget those who makes you feel little, and if you need to start over, then start over. Prove to people of what you are capable of. Nothing is more accomplishing than astonishing those put you down and told you that you would not go far. You have to believe in yourself, before others begin to believe in you. Only you know the path in which you want to take, everything else will either help you get there or distract you from your destination, keep your eyes open and keep moving forward.

PS. It is up to you how you want to view things, nothing is one sided.

What is the first thing you notice in someone you are not familiar with?

xx Chavelita

Bumblebee

I thought you should meet another person I am grateful to have in my life. For privacy, the person I am going to speak about we will call her Bee.

It is almost a year since I met Bee and she has created such a large impact in my life she is probably the one who helped boost my self esteem and molded me into the confident being that I am. Turning my flaws into beautiful imperfections, that makes me stand out from the rest of the world. Normally when I meet people who I am on a professional platform, I do not like to go personal. I was told by a teacher in my sophomore year of high school that, “we are not friends” to our class and that because she had given us her number to call if we had any questions on the homework it does not mean we could text her. That mentality stuck with me, oddly it did make sense at the moment because students and teachers were separate things at the time but it all changed my junior year. I will not lie I was confused, we could not text teachers but joining the IB program they give you their numbers to text them if anything (unless otherwise told that you can’t) and I was I actually afraid to text my teachers since I thought it was pretty unorthodox to do. It was not until my friend persuaded me to text her and by the things she told me, perhaps it was okay to do so. It all started with a simple text message and from there our friendship flourished. She started to lean on me and I did the same in return. Her background stories are moving you would not expect stories like that coming from a bubbly person like herself. Though she does apologize a lot for little things which I think may not deserve an apology. I could say she is part of my family she is tied between the big sister or an aunt to me including her beautiful children. I can tell her anything and it would be casual which is one of the things I love about her. The little moments when I do have her for myself I find myself laughing and listening to her stories since I do not talk much, I believe there is hardly ever an awkward moment with her. Anytime spent with her makes me happy.

One of my favorite memories I had with her is when she took me to one of her presentations and when she took me back home. We spoke at my drive way for an hour or so in her car. I was surprise to say that my parents did not realize that I was out til 9 on a school night even less in the drive way so technically I was at home just not in it. It is probably one of the simplistic memories I share with her but I just love how quiet the night was. No distractions and it was just us two spending time together sharing our own memories. It was also the day I gave her a rosary in her favorite color and the moment she opened her gift, it was like Christmas morning. Her face was glowing and astonished that she even gave me a hug (we had never hugged until that day, I’m usually the hugging type of person but I somehow grew uncomfortable to hugs).

Bee is one of my inspirational role models, against the odds she still finds a way to tackle on the day with her work, caring for her children, all on her own. With her charismatic attitude, beautiful smile, and her perky lipstick this lady is going places! I’m honestly having a difficult time writing this blogpost since I cannot fathom the words to describe how wonderful she is. You have to meet her for yourself to understand the emotions I am going through. I love you, Bee! Continue being the person you are, accomplish your set dreams and I am sure the right one will come along and sweep you off your feet!

This is why I am telling you that you should give everyone a chance, you will never know who you will meet and have your life changed.

xx Chavelita

What price tag?

To begin with, I have never had a job where I earned a salary nor have I ever been interviewed for a job (other than write a reflective paper as to why I wanted the job and usually it is the same reason as to why I want the job) position but since when does having a job mean you have to get paid or get something out of it in return? I’ve done numerous of jobs over the past year such as sing to the local nursing home, greet people at the entrance and pass out programs, stuff endless envelopes for the upcoming school year, even went to a presentation with my sponsor for Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) and heard quite interesting stories. What do I get in return you may ask? Satisfaction. For me it does not matter what the price tag these jobs have but by the end of the shift the moment when that person you helped out says thank you or praise you, at that moment when you have no words to explain as to how much you are thankful that they have picked you to do the job is enough for me. (It is also probably one of the greatest feeling to encounter.)

When I sang at the local nursing home it was my first that I ever sang in public, singing Amazing Grace and watching all those faces glow with new life gave me goosebumps. So glad I did not forget the lyrics though because then I will be getting goosebumps for the wrong reason. Most of the time they do treat those people with love and kindness, but not all do in addition they may get lonely. They are still people regardless of age and I feel sometimes people lose hope in the older generation but instead we should be learning from them. Just showing a hint of a caring gesture for others will get you places, and trust me it will change your life too. At the end of those two hours when we had to thank all the people who came to watch us sing, this lady sitting on one of the couches pulled me into a hug and was telling me how much I had reminded me of her granddaughter. She even told me “I love you”, and like the socially awkward person that I am I replied with “thank you”. Hey at least that was better than staring silently at her! I had no idea how I was supposed to reply to that because this was the first time something like this has happened to me, a complete stranger showing such passion to another complete stranger. It is the little things like these that makes me want to get out there and do more for my community. Restore some of the peace and know that it was you who was able to accomplish something. Even if it may be the minimalist thing such as cleaning the kitchen or the toilet you can still put your name on that task.

I could have not done this alone though. Everyone needs a push and I would like to thank my teachers of the International Baccalaureate program for giving me that push to remove my outer shell and help get my feet out the door. To go out there and create new stories that are just waiting to be made. Most of these stories would have not been created if I did not have a constant push to do more. This is probably coming out mushy again ahaha but the advice for today is that do not forget to think about others. Do not be selfish and think, “what is it to me? what am I going to get out of this?” because helping does not cost anything but time. Use your time wisely. You will always have time to think about yourself even maybe too much time because even I do get fed up about thinking about myself that I have to start writing down my own thoughts such as what I am doing right now. I’m pretty sure that you are stressing over things you can’t change so why not think about things you can do to change something?

When was the last time you helped someone and what did you do to complete this task?

Easter Parade with MADD

xx Chavelita

Nosy McGees

Looking through my Ask.Fm account, I’ve been finding a lot of rather nosy people maybe that is an understatement more like persistent pressuring people who can get a bit ugly sometimes if the person does not answer the question.

First of all if you’re in anonymous mode you already do know that the chances of getting a genuine answer to your question is limited especially if it is something personal because of the fact that they do not know who you are. (Besides if you cannot even show your true identity you probably do not even deserve a genuine answer to that question.)
Second, STOP MAKING PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE (…and maybe go look for your life that you left somewhere in your room, I’m pretty sure they are feeling lost). I cannot stress this enough. The whole purpose of having a social media account is that you are able to express yourself and not be constantly pressed on for information that one may not want to share to the public. I understand that everyone gets curious as to who so and so may like, or if your potential crush may feel the same way about you or whatever the case may be but if they tell you that they do not want to talk about then let it go. If one begins to make someone uncomfortable I believe they have every right to defend themselves rather it is to throw sarcastic, swearing comments back or simply ignore that person in total. Just because you may be anonymous, does not give the person the right to be a jackass and disrespect people. No one should EVER disrespect you.
Third, if you want to know something that is sensitive get off of anonymous or find another form of social media to speak to them where it is only between the two of you. This is not a talk show where you need an audience to get your point across or even less to entertain an audience. Do not for what the reason may be, force out information that you do not want to share if they really cared they would respect your decision.
Fourth, and foremost be careful with online predators (well anyone who may be a threat to you). Sometimes blocking the person is the only effective way to deal with someone quickly before questions start to become insults. Like I tell myself, “I do not need anyone else’s crap, I already have my own to deal with it”.

I really hope no one is being cyerbullied and if you are I hope you find the strength to seek help. You are the controller to your own life. Do not let anyone else play with your feelings and have them be tossed around because you are worth more than you think. 🙂

Be safe! Don’t be afraid to fight for yourself, throw some sarcastic comments around if you need to! Slap their face with those ravishing words of yours! 😀

How do you deal with disrespectful people?

xx Chavelita