For an assignment in my final semester at college, my professor required our class to either write a manuscript that was non-fiction or fiction, preferably one that could later be published in a journal. (Which sadly, I was not able to find a journal where my piece fit the requirements) The overall goal for me was to use my non-fiction manuscript to educate and expose what was happening to Puerto Rico post-Hurricane Maria — which at the time and still now, continues to be left on the back burner. I will admit, this piece holds a lot of my own opinions and does lean left, but I hope you, my readers, are able to form your own opinions from this. I want my story to be heard and so I will self-publish this onto my personal blog.
Thank you in advance. xx Chavelita
Last edited in December 2018
September 18, 2017 (Two days before Hurricane Maria)
7:08 PM
– Titi 1 (Mom’s oldest sister): Padre ayudanos llevar este caliz (Oh Father, help us carry this chalice)
Protege a Puerto Rico. (Protect Puerto Rico)
7:10 PM
– Me: Me das lastima a ver ustedes asi (It hurts me to see you all think this)
Que Dios te bendiga a todos y ojala que no hay mucho daño. (May God bless you all and hopefully there is not much damage done)
9:00 PM
– Mami: No te desperes no pierdas la paz y la tranquilidad (Do not despair, do not lose your peace and calmness)
Mucha fe (Much faith)
Vamos a unirnos en cadena de oracion por todos ustedes (Let’s get together to create a chain of prayers for everyone)
September 20, 2017 (Hurricane Maria lands)
12:11 AM
– Prima 1: Estamos austado (crying emoji) (We are scared)
– Prima 2: Se escucha feo (It sounds bad)
12:12 AM
– Prima 1: Si (Yes)
– Prima 2: Ya está haciendo viento… y los nene… Y se fue La Luz (It is already windy… and the kids…the electricity went out)
– Prima 1: F****n llorando… J***t también (F****n is crying and so is J***t)
12:13 AM
– Prima 2: Hay Dios. Bendito. Hay abrázalos hay Dios meda cosa (Oh God. Bless them. Hug them oh God I am getting goosebumps)
Yo no puedo ni dormer pendiente a todo lo q ponen de allá (I cannot sleep paying attention to all that is happening over there)
– Prima 1: Los tengo encima de mi (I have them [her children] on me)
12:19 AM
– Titi 1 (Mom’s oldest sister): Ahorra esta acienda viento (Now the wind is here)
EL SEÑO NOS CUIDE (GOD PROTECT US)
Hablale a los nenes (Talk to your kids)
Mantenlos abrazaditos (Keep them close)
Dios nos proteja (God will protect us)
12:31 AM
– Titi 1 (Mom’s oldest sister): Tranquila tienes que darle valor alos nenes y J**n (Calm down, you have to be strong for your kids and J**n)
12:39 AM
– Prima 1: No es fácil pero aquí estamos apoyando todos (It is not easy but here I am supporting everyone)
Se escucha muy feo (It sounds really bad)
La puerta de la sala se quiere abrir (My living room door wants to open)
12:40 AM
– Prima 2: Hay seme paran los pelos. Al escuchar eso así yo me imajino los nenes hay dio me preocupan ellos q no saben (Oh, the hairs on the back of my neck are rising. To hear all of this I can only imagine how the kids must feel, oh God I worry for them, they do not know)
12:48 AM
– Titi 1 (Mom’s oldest sister): Si mi amor. Pero falta todavia no ha empezado esto son lad rafagás (Yes my love. But the hurricane has yet to start, only gusts of wind)
12: 50 AM
– Prima 2: Me escriben me tiene al tanto (Write to me, I am overwhelmed)
No importa la hora (The time of day does not matter)
Yo no puedo ni dormer ni tampoco quiero dormer (I cannot sleep and I also do not want to go to sleep)
Me paso pega al fbk viendo todo (I have spent my time on Facebook looking at everything unravel)
6:31 AM
– Prima 1: Estamos metido en el baño (We went inside the bathroom)
6:33 AM
– Prima 1: Se no está abriendo las ventanas (crying emoji) (The windows are opening)
Esto está horrible (This is terrifying)
6:41AM
– Prima 1: Estamos en bańo todos (We are all in the bathroom)
Metidos (All together)
Desde la 1 am (Since 1AM)
6:52 AM
– Titi 1 (Mom’s oldest sister): El palo de mango se rompio y rompio la verja (The mango tree fell and broke the fence)
6:59 AM
– Titi 1 (Mom’s oldest sister): Rompio el carro del vecino (It also fell on my neighbor’s car)
– Prima 1: Y el mio (crying emoji) (Mine too!)
8:02 AM
– Me: El huracán llego a noche entonces? (The hurricane arrived last night then?)
8:12 AM
– Titi 2 (Mom’s youngest sister): Estamos con vientos y sentellas (We have gusts of wind and lightning)
8:40 AM
– Me: Me llene de emoción entonces me puse rezar El Rosario… (I was overwhelmed with emotion I started to pray the rosary)
8:43 AM
– Prima 3: Dios mío q pase Esto,, estoy (poop emojis) (My God, what is this, I am…)
8:52 AM
– Titi 1 (Mom’s oldest sister): La casa inundada sacando agua se despego la pintura. Que esto Dios mio. Estoy esoterica. (My house flooded and the paint is stripping off. What is this my God. I am hysterical)
8:55 AM
– Prima 1: No tengo mucha señal (I do not have much reception)
9:00 AM
– Prima 1: Pero lo importante es que estamos bien (The important part though is that we are all okay)
10:47 AM
– Mami: Señor bendice mi islita a todos tus hijos y a mis seres queridos. Te lo pido señor (Lord, please bless my island, all your children, and my loved ones)
12:01 PM
– Mami: Como estans? (How is everyone?)
– Me: Parece que el señal esta mal Mami (I think the reception is bad Mami)
12:02 PM
– Mami: Si. Se cayeron unas torres de comunicacion (Yes. Some of the signal towers fell)
12:04 PM
– Me: Me puse rezar está mañana. No se qué pasó pero rompí a llorar cuando empecé diciendo la Santa María (I started to pray this morning. I do not know what happened but I burst out crying when I started reciting the Hail Mary)
12:07 PM
– Mami: Estamos preocupadaos por ellos es pore so (We are all worried for them)
A mi me pasa igual (This happened to me too)
11:41 PM
– Prima 2: Extraño los txt de mi familia (frown emoji) (I miss our family group chats)
11:42 PM
– Prima 2: Extraño a mami en hablar con ella (frown emoji) (I miss talking to my mom)
Los amo espero q estén bien todos (I love them and I hope they are all okay)
11:43 PM
– Me: A mi también. Era la 9 acá y me hizo falta la bendición de Madrina. Pero yo imagino que todavía piensan en nosotros como nosotros estamos pensando en ellos. (Me too. It was 9PM here and I missed having Godmother do our nightly blessing. I still think they are thinking about us as we are thinking about them)
11:44 PM
– Prima 2: Siii (frowning emojis) (Yeah…)
11:45 PM
– Prima 2: No puedo ni dormir (I cannot sleep)
Pensando en ellos (I am thinking about them)
Y dicen por fbk q alo major estén 3 mese sin o 6 sin electricidad o telefónica (On Facebook it says that it may take up to three months or six without electricity or telephone service)
11:46 PM
– Prima 2: Hay es donde más me esta doliendo sin saver de ellos tanto tiempo hay no no puedo (That is where it hurts the most without having a way of knowing how long it will be the next time we hear from them. I just cannot.)
September 21 to 26 (Six-day blackout, with no communication to Puerto Rico)
When people visit Puerto Rico for the first time, most people tell me their time was spent in San Juan ¾ only a sliver of the island. Now, did people know the state of the rest of Puerto Rico? I cannot say and neither did their Instagram photos show. They were, on the other hand, able to describe to me the beautiful scenery of the floating kites mimicking the birds on the open field of El Morro and trying a piragua de frambuesa (a raspberry snow cone) for the first time. The purpose to write this piece is not to highlight the behind the scenes of what does happen underneath all the touristy bits, which is the real Borinquén.
My parents grew up near the southwestern tip of Puerto Rico in a small town called Guayanilla, about two hours away from San Juan, the capital of Puerto Rico. The stories about their childhood lingered in my own imagination about the river that ran just behind my mom’s childhood home. The river absorbed the emotions of its surroundings. This included people who were visiting and the political climate. For some reason, the river could tell time and had a temperament of its own without giving much of a warning. The floods were an inconvenience, but the lack of movement never compared to the lack of movement occurring in the economy.
***
The easiest part about traveling to Puerto Rico is making sure the seat number corresponds to the ticket. In my most recent visit to Puerto Rico in the summer of 2017, I noticed the shift in the atmosphere and a sense of cultural shock, which funny enough, is not something I thought I would say. What was once my memory of Puerto Rico stayed behind in my childhood, buried in what I could remember as warm, inviting, and safe time. I was sitting at the only Burger King in Yauco the first morning since we landed in Puerto Rico for breakfast with my aunt, my dad’s sister. There was a mixture of smells, the old grease, fresh bleached floors, old paint. A man had come in that morning to charge his phone; perhaps he had a pending call or had been evicted the night before and had nowhere else to go.
“Y la nena, que quieres?”
I blankly stared at the Spanish advertisement of the new breakfast offer without realizing I had been asked the question of what I wanted to eat that morning. For simplicity, I went along with my aunt, a desayuno completo (a complete breakfast), which included pancakes, eggs, and sausage, but instead of the coffee I substituted with orange juice. However, my anxiety did not allow me to eat. In all the years, I visited Puerto Rico and the effort my family placed to keep my rose-colored image of Puerto Rico, had begun to dissolve in a matter of days. To see Puerto Rico with adult eyes I could not help but lament at the fact of how much this poor economy had drained the people inside. Even the billboard signs that advertised local department stores such as Pitusa and Kress, places that I once giggled in because the speakers blared loudly of uncensored English music, were sad, faded, and peeling off as we approached Burger King.
***
To understand the political climate in Puerto Rico, it is fair to introduce the current governor of Puerto Rico, Ricardo Roselló. Rosselló was elected as the governor of Puerto Rico in November of 2016 (London, 2016). Underneath the New Progressive Party, Rosselló is a governor who would favor Puerto Rico becoming a state within the United States. Although everyone is entitled to their own opinion, Puerto Rico is not in the right shape at the moment to add statehood into the agenda. When there are resources and funds appropriately distributed among the island to address the needs of the citizens of Puerto Rico and the fixes made to the destroyed infrastructure, then maybe this discussion could be reintroduced.
***
On the other hand, there is the Popular Democratic Party. They prefer Puerto Rico to be self-governed without converting into a state. The Popular Democratic Party favors autonomous decisions based on the needs of the island without much referral with the United States government. They view the Puerto Rican government as the ones who experience first-hand the economic hardships and are the ones who truly know how this influences the lives of their citizens. With this in mind, they believe what happens in Puerto Rico should be fixed among Puerto Ricans who live on the island.
***
You may wonder, where does the 45th President of the United States Donald Trump fit into this equation? Puerto Rico is a United States territory after all, regardless which Puerto Rican government is in office, the president of United States holds a responsibility to take care of its territories. Since the beginning of Trump’s term in 2017, there have been changes which not only affected the “United States” but also ricocheted to influence Puerto Rico’s political climate and economy. There were moments where there was contemplation if Trump knows Puerto Rico is still part of the United States. No physical land mass connected United States to Puerto Rico like Houston, Texas, but both experienced their own hurricane in the same year. In Trump’s reaction time, this demonstrated where his responsibilities are, with Puerto Rico on the backburner. In the same week Hurricane Harvey happened, Trump arrived in Texas to show his regards. For Puerto Rico, thirteen days after Hurricane Maria happened, Trump arrived. A flight from Washington D.C. to Houston, Texas is about three hours, forty minutes. A flight from Washington D.C. to San Juan, Puerto Rico is seven hours, thirty minutes. I understand Puerto Rico is in the Caribbean’s and the double air time is needed to cross the Atlantic Ocean, but if he can travel to visit President Emmanuel Macron in Paris, an average ten-hour flight, then I find no excuse other than the lack of priority Trump’s has placed on the island. His agenda to take care of our home country is conflicted. By the way, his trip to Paris happened before the Hurricane Maria just to show his Air Force One does work.
My benefit of the doubt was short lived. He failed to provide assistance as he first mentioned in his first tweet about Hurricane Maria hitting the Caribbean’s:
@realDonaldTrump. (2017, September 19). Puerto Rico being hit hard by new monster Hurricane. Be careful, our hearts are with you- will be there to help!
When he came to visit Puerto Rico in October 2017, he accused the Mayor of San Juan, Carmen Yulín Cruz for not providing sufficient assistance to Puerto Rico when she was doing her best to find the missing family members drawn off by the hurricane. Trump tossing paper towels to the citizens of Puerto Rico (Silva, 2017), was not the idea many Puerto Ricans, including myself, found appealing in his first impression. Then he takes nearly a month after Hurricane Maria to get approval set for any assistance with the Federal Emergency Management Agency. In the catastrophic shape from the aftermath, we could no longer wait for Trump’s assistance so decided to begin GoFundMe pages. These self-initiated campaigns, most from the people of Puerto Rico for Puerto Rico, were used to start the restoration process and pick up the pieces of what the hurricanes left (Vinik, 2018). To point fingers at the Puerto Rican government for discrepancies Trump still fails to admit himself for which he could have easily taken initiative to address with a progressive approach. (Cillizza, 2017).
Trump’s definition of assistance and mine are vastly different.
***
Although I traveled with my dad’s sister to Puerto Rico after she spent two weeks visiting the state of Texas with my immediate family, I spent most of the Summer 2017 in Puerto Rico with my mom’s youngest sister and her family. All the times I have traveled to Puerto Rico, I left and came back with what was familiar to me ¾ my immediate family. My concern to communicate to extended family members was non-existent. I blamed time and distance for not establishing a more profound connection then. All I relied on at the time was just by chiming in consistent waves. I mainly listened while answering brief questions about goals and aspirations when asked.
This trip was not one of those cases. I went through a readjustment period that only I was able to handle. I picked up and dusted off my Spanish after spending my spring college semester speaking only in English, and I left the comfort of my own collegiate independence. For my own encouragement, I told myself, now that you have been given the time to establish your relationships, you would only have yourself to blame if you do not. The reason I went to Puerto Rico was for an internship; the real reason was to reconnect. The first few weeks I had no outline to trace out where my boundaries were. Vulgarity is a sign of expression in Puerto Rico, but perhaps not so much for the niece who is staying over for the first time. To prevent this from happening, I spoke slowly and carefully. Each thought was filtered through, twice. The swear words became a mumble.
I remember in the beginning of my stay, both my aunt and I walked on eggshells hoping to find a common ground. We shared many moments of silence, with the occasional question what I wanted to eat. Throughout my internship routine, we grew comfortable in each other’s presence. When I rode with her to my internship, we listened to Felices los 4 by Maluma on the few working radio stations so many times, it became our song. In the hours I spent in my internship working alongside her, she filled me in on stories about our family. Some were pleasant while others were disappointing to hear. Not often I hear from my aunt’s perspective since most of my family news come from my mom and I am grateful to hear what news my mom omitted from me growing up. On our way back from work, her suegra (mother in-law) cooked dinner for my uncle, who is also my padrino (godfather), because both of them worked; it was her kind gesture to help out. After our late dinner and watching the 10PM news on Telemundo, we would go to bed. My uncle allowed me to take his spot in the bed and slept with my cousin in his because the air conditioner in the guest room was broken. Late in the night, my aunt poured her heart to me and thus felt secure to share my own aspirations and fears.
Within a month’s time, I managed to not only find my boundaries but also learn about the rest of the neighborhood. You see, when you live in any of the towns of Puerto Rico, there is a high chance someone knows you if you have a family member or friend who lives there. The number of times I have been asked, “eres la hija de [my dad] y [my mom], hay que linda eres! (you are the daughter of [my dad] and [my mom], oh look how pretty she has become!” and the times I found no words other than “sí” (yes), has been made into an inside joke among my aunt and me.
This revival in my aunt’s relationship made the transition easier for the remainder of my family; to feel and know I was no longer living in my parents’ shadow was the key to release me. I made my own name instead of living on only my parents’ names. Even though it is my parents’ names that remains well recognized around Guayanilla, I built upon the neglected part of my identity.
***
This was a blessing in disguise.
***
Summer of 2017 trip to Puertorro became a pivotal point in my adulthood. And I only found this out two months after leaving, with Hurricane Irma and Hurricane Maria. Both hurricanes landed two weeks apart from one another. Hurricane Irma landed September 6, 2017 with Hurricane Maria, September 20, 2017, becoming the icing on the cake; that Puerto Rico did not ask for either of the two. History does find a way to repeat itself. Time is measured in critical moments and with what was left, including me, remained a pre-Maria and a post-Maria Puerto Rico. Whenever I am in a conversation and the topic of Puerto Rico surfaces, I am first asked, “Oh, before or after the hurricane?”. Then when I mention I am from Puerto Rico, they offer condolences. Some by a sense of obligation or genuine sympathy, ask about the conditions of the island, about my family, the economy, and so forth to carry on the not-so-intended deep conversation. This is a reoccurring pattern and each time I go through this cycle, I gain more of a standpoint about where Puerto Rico is at within the United States.
In a Women’s and Gender Studies event in April of 2018, I had the opportunity to speak with Afro-Peruvian Favianna Rodriguez, an activist painter who addresses “migration, economic equality, gender justice, and ecology” (JustSeeds, 2018). In a student leadership discussion, one of the questions she asked all of us is who we advocate for. One by one, we went around the table to discuss our journeys and inspirations to arriving at the core of our activism. I must have been in autopilot mode for her question to strike me without having a response of my own. I realized that my activism did not have a clear focus and I simply jumped from project to project when opportunities came without thinking so much about myself. So, I began to think, who do I exactly advocate for? For the longest time, I carried that question with me like a reminder on my feminist agenda. Though, I am amazed in how some of the simple questions do not come with simple answers. This became the time where I needed to come up with my own answers. Psychotherapy helped me to get closer to my purpose of activism. Through therapy, I learned how much my family was newly embedded into my identity to the point where I did shut down from not hearing back in the six-day blackout caused by Hurricane Maria. I was going through a different kind of separation anxiety and struggling to reestablish myself in my own world. But it was during this time I found myself in a more active state of mind. I was forced to look at myself in a truer, deeper way and I remembered how proud I am to be Puerto Rican. This is my identity since birth; it is who I am and when I felt the tension losing my newest part of my identity, I wanted people to know more about my roots and just why losing Puerto Rico was losing myself. Throughout this vulnerable time, I learned how to include my identity into my activism; Hurricane Maria brought the purpose back to the table. I made a personal promise with myself ¾ that my grief about Puerto Rico would turn into the stepping stones for my primary activism. As much as I would have loved to advocate in Puerto Rico, we also need representatives in the United States to broadcast what popular news stations are omitting on purpose. For an example, this is how independent radio political activist Jay Fonseca began, by exposing the Puerto Rican government’s discrepancies happening in the economy and in policies (Fonseca, 2018). The stations here romanticize Puerto Rico’s less wrecked parts and neglecting to mention how much assistance the majority of island still needs for essential living. The lack of clarity whether or not funds are dispersed continues as another main overlooked issue. Trump tweeted:
@realDonaldTrump. (2018, September 13). This was done by the Democrats in order to make me look as bad as possible when I was successfully raising Billions of Dollars to help rebuild Puerto Rico. If a person died for any reason, like old age, just add them onto the list. Bad politics. I love Puerto Rico!
I understand the economy was broken even before Hurricane Maria with a multi-billion-dollar debt crisis, but at least then, where is the assisting income for the natural disaster? If Trump says he sent billions of dollars to Puerto Rico, then how come government officials on the island are not struggling but the people of Puerto Rico are? Why do schools in Puerto Rico continue to close when they should be opening? I believe there is money, I also do believe the money is not arriving in the places needed such as in healthcare, education, and hurricane relief.
***
I was broken myself for a fragmented Puerto Rico and this became my fuel, whether or not I had supporters. With this fuel, I launched my own platform. Thus, I found my own voice, in order to advocate for those who did not have a voice. I consumed myself in research in Puerto Rico whenever I could. In which by learning and welcoming this new voice, I began to carry the voices of my peers and of my family. People of the United States need to know that even though Puerto Rico is dry, we have continued to drown. I had an urge to run and scream my pain so that maybe someone from Rosselló and or Trump’s administration would stop playing Monopoly with Puerto Rico and with our people for business. Our people cannot be bought by false or temporary solutions, if the Puerto Rican government or the United States government wants to invest, I want this investment to come with the best intentions of the people and the whole island not for a commercial profit to get more people to visit Puerto Rico’s touristy areas. The money must touch every person in need. I keep my temper but I do not let go of my pride. When I and all the rest of Puerto Rico shout:
“YO SOY BORICUA, PA QUE TU LO SEPAS (I AM A BORICUA, SO THAT YOU KNOW)!”
We say this with every ounce of the literal tears, sweat, and blood that has been shed. For the 2,975 and more we lost in Hurricane Maria (Newkirk, 2018), we hug our loved ones harder. For my great uncle who did not have electricity to continue his kidney dialysis and died a month after, we prayed he made it to the Kingdom of Heaven. For my friend in Cidra who built her home from scratch to have Hurricane Maria take that away from her, we wish for the inner strength and opportunity to rebuild. For those who were forced to leave the island for better opportunities, we hope they find employment in the States to support themselves and their families without having to justify their U.S. citizenship. For all my comadres and compadres (close friends) who lost their homes and still do not have electricity or clean running water, I ask you my reader, why is this taking so long? For those, like myself, who felt helpless and useless to be so far from the island, we continue to fight.
Nuestro patriotismo es el señal de fuego, conocidos entre nosotros, y no se puede sofocar. (Our patriotism is a fire signal, well known within ourselves and it cannot be extinguished)
***
At least Trump said no to statehood (Associated Press, 2018).
References
Associated Press. (2018, September 24). Trump says no statehood for Puerto Rico as long as San Juan mayor is in office. Los Angeles Times. Retrieved from http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-trump-puerto-rico-20180924-story.html#
Cillizza, C. (2017, October 1). Trump sent 18 tweets on Puerto Rico on Saturday. And made things a whole lot worse. CNN Politics. Retrieved from https://www.cnn.com/2017/10/01/politics/trump-tweets-puerto-rico/index.html
Fonseca, J. (2018). De Jay Fonseca. Podcast retrieved from https://www.jayfonseca.com/
JustSeeds. (2018). Favianna Rodriguez. Retrieved from https://justseeds.org/artist/faviannarodriguez/
London, J. (2016, November 17). MIT alumnus elected governor of Puerto Rico. Retrieved from https://alum.mit.edu/slice/mit-alumnus-elected-governor-puerto-rico
Newkirk II, V. R. (2018, August 28). A year after Hurricane Maria, Puerto Rico really knows how many people died. The Atlantic. Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/08/puerto-rico-death-toll-hurricane-maria/568822/
realDonaldTrump. (2017, September 19). Puerto Rico being hit hard by new monster Hurricane. Be careful, our hearts are with you- will be there to help! [Twitter Post]. Retrieved from https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/910328626075389952?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E910328626075389952&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2F2017%2F10%2F03%2Fdonald-trump-puerto-rico-response-numbers%2F
realDonaldTrump. (2018, September 13). This was done by the Democrats in order to make me look as bad as possible when I was successfully raising Billions of Dollars to help rebuild Puerto Rico. If a person died for any reason, like old age, just add them onto the list. Bad politics. I love Puerto Rico! [Twitter Post]. Retrieved from https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1040220855400386560
Silva, D. (2017, October 8). Trump defends throwing paper towels to hurricane survivors in Puerto Rico. NBC News. Retrieved from https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-defends-throwing-paper-towels-hurricane-survivors-puerto-rico-n808861
Vinik, D. (2018, March 27). How Trump favored Texas over Puerto Rico. Politico. Retrieved from https://www.politico.com/story/2018/03/27/donald-trump-fema-hurricane-maria-response-480557)
chavelitastories 