My sporadic return

In my year hiatus from blogging, I would have to say, a lot of things have surfaced into my life. While I will not be sharing all of those experiences with you today, I do want to say that I quite miss the writing and the reflecting in this blog. I also miss you, my audience, who have been on this journey with me of figuring out who I am (which I still am because when are you not?). Perhaps a good place to start is by giving you a bit of an update of what I have been up to.

1. I am graduating from college this fall with a Bachelor’s in Psychology and a minor in Women’s and Gender Studies! — Even though I am not the first in my family to graduate from college, just the fact that my imagination of walking the red carpet holding my diploma is getting closer, gives me a strong sense of emotion and pride. The bittersweetness is another thing. I am happy but I know I will miss this part of my life, the experiences, and the friendships that shaped a big part of my growing identity.
2. I am currently in the process of applying for graduate school!! — Goodness, it still feels weird to share this, it was as if I just graduated from high school and was crying on my mom’s shoulder when she left me at the dorms for the first time. Even being the organized person I am, I must admit, the process of preparing, applying, and researching schools has been a stressful one, so I have been leaning a lot on my parents to piece together the pieces of sanity I have left.
3. I have been putting more of a focus on my spiritual life. I am part of the staff who holds retreats for college students in my college. I took a week long class this summer to learn more about miracle scriptures in the Bible. Recently attended a retreat this month. So far, it is safe to say that my faith is growing and I am acknowledging this part of my life. This is a big part of the reason for why I have not yet lost my mind with these big transitions in my life. And I actually noticed that I am more satisfied and happy with my life — all plus sides!
4. I turned 21! — When I turned 21 this July, it was quite anti-climatic… the birthday was still wonderful though! I didn’t have my first legal drink on my birthday, but I did plunge (more like walked in slowly, wincing and nervously laughing) myself in below 40 degree temperature pond water. You best believe I could not feel my bottom half torso. I don’t know, I was just picturing myself testing my alcohol limits but my 21st ended up as one I can treasure.
5. When I am not living at home with my parents, I am in my apartment. There is just something about having a place of my own (with the inclusion of roommates) that has allowed me to grow and figure things out for myself. I managed to keep myself alive with my cooking/eating, cleaning, sleeping, and occasional night outs (I’ll go more in detail about my night out experiences as there have been quite a few of those haha).
6. Traveled. Last year around this time I went to Puerto Rico to visit my family after not seeing them in over three years. Partially to do an internship while the other part to catch up with my family. I am super grateful for that given month because it helped solidify my relationships with my extended family especially my aunt who allowed me to stay with her the whole time I was there. I went to New Mexico in December (2017) and in January. I went to Houston for my first out of the city research conference in April. Went to South Padre Island in May to celebrate the end of my third year of college and Mother’s Day. And went to Colorado to visit my oldest brother.
7. Fallen friendships. I let go of two close friendships. Sometimes you find yourself tired of defeating the odds. I know that sounds a bit rude, but my mental health was not heading in the right direction. It was time to let go.
8. Met my sister in Christ. I believe when you reached your ultimate bottom and you think you do not deserve what fine things in life has to offer, someone comes along to tell you that you deserve the FINER things in life. I met my sister in Christ at a retreat, the interesting part is that I already knew she was the one in the first conversation we had. (I’ll definitely have a separate blogpost of our friendship — she has been a light for me)

I am pretty sure I am missing a few updating bits, but do not worry, as I remember them, I will be writing about them. You’ll just have to continue reading to find out!

P.S. I want to continue providing advice for you all, as this after all started as an advice blog. I am open to give wisdom in areas that I have experience(d) in.

 

xx Chavelita

Day 14: How my love for volunteering started

When I was a junior in high school, I had started to this prestigious educational program called International Baccalaureate. I have spoken about this program previously so to some of you it should be familiar but basically this program has taught me to be a well-rounded person. In high school I was shy to join organizations and even less to be an officer to any organizations. But as a requirement to stay in the program I had to do a community service project for a year and half. So basically for a year and a half straight I had to do community service on top of the jam packed assignments and homework that had to be done. I was concerned that I was not going to be able to complete the community service aspect of the program and thus lead me to be expelled from the program. Funny how I look back it now, the one thing that worried the most was the thing that I enjoyed the most from the program. Both of my English teachers always had an eye on us and would give us resources and tools to succeed. One in particular was that they invited Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) to come speak and recruit members to help out their non-profit organization promote awareness of the dangers of drunk driving and taking drugs then driving. Always curious to learn more I decided to give MADD a chance to be my community service project. Throughout that whole year and a half of serving the community, I have gone to multiple locations to give presentations, listen to presentations, go to workshops to learn more about the current issues and dangers that are happening in the community with drugs and alcohol, participated in the annual walk that MADD hosts in September, went to an Easter festival to spread the word for MADD, and go to fundraising events.

There was this one presentation in particular that I went to and my supervisor had to give her talk in Spanish. Which she was not bad at speaking Spanish but you can tell it was not her first language. Parts of the conversations I had to translate but that was not the point. The stories that you hear from the community is what gets to you. This lady had lost her loved one to a drunk driver and she was left to take care of the kids. A lot of people when you tell them not drink and drive they will just give that typical nod and yeah yeah, I know. Sometimes I just want to tell them no you do not know. You do not know until you actually sit down and listen to the actual causes and the victims that have been caught in the mess of drunk driving. Until you hear the stories coming from other people then I feel like a lot of people’s attitudes are not going to change until they experience the emotions caused by one. Which is something MADD is trying to prevent from happening and which is why MADD holds a place for their victims to be able to cope with their loss and for some to come share their stories. I also remember there was this speaker who came to speak at one of our meetings and he had damaged a part of his brain from the impact of the crash he had while not wearing a seat belt. So how many stories do you need to hear to be aware of the dangers of drunk driving? Just because you do not hear about them as often, does not mean they do not happen.

I ended up becoming one of the presidents to the lead the MADD group at my school and I grew close to my supervisor who has been an absolute joy to work with. My experience with MADD has been so phenomenal to be part of that when I finished my year and half I just knew I could not just leave. I had liked the person I have become and I was not ready to just dismiss her. After high school I continued to serve my community through MADD and to this day I still find it important that drinking while intoxicated should be educated.

When I got to college I had already known that I had to do community service. Not because I had to but because I wanted to. To go to school and do community service on my free time was how I grew accustomed in high school and the habit kind of just stuck with me. I joined Mentor Tech by filling out an application online, was assigned my mentor who became such a great friend and supporter of mine that I even asked if she can continue being my mentor in which she said “of course”, and I met my Protege Advisory Committee (PAC) leader who has been so kind and helpful with me this first year of college. Later that year I joined Mentor Tech Student Organization (MTSO) and found my community service family. This program was exactly what was missing from my college experience. I met many people who felt just as passionate as I did to give their time to help their community become a better place for the future. And I did not just stop there but I ran for Historian my first semester of college, did not get it but I did run which is nothing I have done before. So I pat myself on the back for that moment. After a few months has passed and I put together an event to bring high school students onto campus, that motivated me to run for officer again this time for secretary. So as of now I am the current secretary of MTSO. My PAC leader also had recommended me to apply to become a PAC leader myself because she saw qualities that just would fit nicely so I applied and I got my interview. Towards the end of the year at the Mentor Tech banquet they announced the names of the future PAC leader of 2016 – 2017 and I had made the cut.

Whenever I think about how far I have gotten I like to thank MADD for preparing me to open my heart and reach out to others. It’s a bit terrifying at first to go into the unknown and not know what the next step would be but there just times that we should take chances in ourselves and see where that leads us. Now I cannot see myself not doing community service, it became a part of me and I hope that when I am older I continue to serve the community. Maybe not the same way as doing non-profit but through my profession as a psychologist.

When was the last time you have done community service?

xx Chavelita

Day 2: The night with Mary Jane

In my second semester of college I was invited by my floor mate to go clubbing which for some it is not a big deal but for me who does not normally go out, it was a spur of the moment night. I did not think about it too much because I knew if I thought thoroughly of going to this club I would convince myself not to go and end spending yet another night in watching some overly dramatic Spanish movie while contemplating what were the producers thinking while recording the film. You need to watch one in order for you to understand… I am still thinking about the plot on Brujas… Anyway, I dressed out of my shorts and went with black leggings and layered with a denim shirt and sweater. I allowed my floor mate to do my makeup and just like that my floor mate along wih my other floor mate headed to the car. It was already passed midnight when we had left but the night had just begun. Roaming around the empty streets, the clubs were relatively close to one another. Just going up and down the street you would find each club blasting their own type of music with individuals all dressed distinctively. For someone who is quiet on most days, I was blurting out lyrics to the new Panic! At The Disco album with the windows rolled down. I was feeling alive that night.

During the night though there was a change, none of the clubs had caught our attention and with that my floor mate calls one of her friends, I am assuming he parties often since he did have the hook up to this party where supposedly a band was playing, and we decided to swing by his place. The moment he got in the back of the car with me, he was bringing this sketchy vibe and his over confidence kind of just wanted to make me gag. Did not help that he was already smelling like he was rolling in smoking cocaine leaves. I reminded myself that tonight was supposed to be fun and I was putting my trust in my floor mates that they would not let anything wrong happen to any of us. After collecting a few drinks from the local convenience store we headed to the party. At least it was safe to say that it was better to have purchased the drinks beforehand instead of arriving the party where you may have no clue what they put in their alcohol. Not that I am promoting drinking alcohol in any way but if you are going to do it, then be safe and smart about it.

1. I would advise to not drink with people you do not know. Same goes for drinking in small groups, stay close to the people you came to the party with and keep watch of each other in case something were to happen.
2. Have a designated driver in case you do decide to drink
3. Drink responsibly, know your limits

You can always say no to drinking. You can always say no to anything that you do not want to do and if you are being threatened or forced to do something after saying no try to seek help. Even if you have to draw attention to yourself or have to fight your way through. Sexual violence happens and it could happen to any of us at any given moment. Please do not think because you go to a party that you have to pick up a drink and join. I went to this party and I had told my friends that I was not going to drink. I came in the party without the intention of drinking and I came out with the same intention of not drinking. They understood my decision and did not force me to drink. Yeah I was awkward at the party to be the few sober people there but I cannot put myself at risk especially when I do not know my limits and that night was not the time to find out. So if you come across friends who judge you for not drinking or even friends who judge you for drinking then I think that should be enough to say about who your friends are.

We arrive at the party and it was like if I was slapped by a blunt. The place reeked of alcohol and weed, I thought I was going to get high myself just by inhaling the second hand fumes. As I stood there with my friends while they spoke to few of the people from the party, I scoped my surroundings and my exits. In the living room there was a group of guys playing video games, a tipsy small man making his way through the kitchen, and a man knocked out cold in the backyard. There was petite girls like me who were drinking like champs and all I can think about is how… I suppose anything is possible in gatherings like these. I am not trying to be prejudice at all but I felt like I had stepped into one of those cliche teen party movies and the only thing was missing is having the police come through the door and break the party up or even join in because who knows what the twenty-first century brings. By this time it was about 2 in the morning and the party was still going hard. This was a moment where I thanked myself for being an introvert and preferring a small pizza and a movie in the comfort of my own bed. I think there was even a moment of the night that this tipsy guy was hitting on me so that just about tops the party experience.

At about two thirty in the morning we leave the party and head back to the dorm. Me just being me, I apologize for my awkwardness but that I still thought the night was interesting even though it will probably be something I would not try again. To keep the night going we decided to go for breakfast at IHOP and that is how our night ended, with a night filled with Mary Jane and a stomach full of pancakes. I believe I did not get home until 4 in the morning but I can say now that I have experienced my first college party.

Please be safe in parties or gatherings where there is alcohol or drugs involved. In moments of danger, do not be hesitant to call the authorities.

xx Chaveltia