My sporadic return

In my year hiatus from blogging, I would have to say, a lot of things have surfaced into my life. While I will not be sharing all of those experiences with you today, I do want to say that I quite miss the writing and the reflecting in this blog. I also miss you, my audience, who have been on this journey with me of figuring out who I am (which I still am because when are you not?). Perhaps a good place to start is by giving you a bit of an update of what I have been up to.

1. I am graduating from college this fall with a Bachelor’s in Psychology and a minor in Women’s and Gender Studies! — Even though I am not the first in my family to graduate from college, just the fact that my imagination of walking the red carpet holding my diploma is getting closer, gives me a strong sense of emotion and pride. The bittersweetness is another thing. I am happy but I know I will miss this part of my life, the experiences, and the friendships that shaped a big part of my growing identity.
2. I am currently in the process of applying for graduate school!! — Goodness, it still feels weird to share this, it was as if I just graduated from high school and was crying on my mom’s shoulder when she left me at the dorms for the first time. Even being the organized person I am, I must admit, the process of preparing, applying, and researching schools has been a stressful one, so I have been leaning a lot on my parents to piece together the pieces of sanity I have left.
3. I have been putting more of a focus on my spiritual life. I am part of the staff who holds retreats for college students in my college. I took a week long class this summer to learn more about miracle scriptures in the Bible. Recently attended a retreat this month. So far, it is safe to say that my faith is growing and I am acknowledging this part of my life. This is a big part of the reason for why I have not yet lost my mind with these big transitions in my life. And I actually noticed that I am more satisfied and happy with my life — all plus sides!
4. I turned 21! — When I turned 21 this July, it was quite anti-climatic… the birthday was still wonderful though! I didn’t have my first legal drink on my birthday, but I did plunge (more like walked in slowly, wincing and nervously laughing) myself in below 40 degree temperature pond water. You best believe I could not feel my bottom half torso. I don’t know, I was just picturing myself testing my alcohol limits but my 21st ended up as one I can treasure.
5. When I am not living at home with my parents, I am in my apartment. There is just something about having a place of my own (with the inclusion of roommates) that has allowed me to grow and figure things out for myself. I managed to keep myself alive with my cooking/eating, cleaning, sleeping, and occasional night outs (I’ll go more in detail about my night out experiences as there have been quite a few of those haha).
6. Traveled. Last year around this time I went to Puerto Rico to visit my family after not seeing them in over three years. Partially to do an internship while the other part to catch up with my family. I am super grateful for that given month because it helped solidify my relationships with my extended family especially my aunt who allowed me to stay with her the whole time I was there. I went to New Mexico in December (2017) and in January. I went to Houston for my first out of the city research conference in April. Went to South Padre Island in May to celebrate the end of my third year of college and Mother’s Day. And went to Colorado to visit my oldest brother.
7. Fallen friendships. I let go of two close friendships. Sometimes you find yourself tired of defeating the odds. I know that sounds a bit rude, but my mental health was not heading in the right direction. It was time to let go.
8. Met my sister in Christ. I believe when you reached your ultimate bottom and you think you do not deserve what fine things in life has to offer, someone comes along to tell you that you deserve the FINER things in life. I met my sister in Christ at a retreat, the interesting part is that I already knew she was the one in the first conversation we had. (I’ll definitely have a separate blogpost of our friendship — she has been a light for me)

I am pretty sure I am missing a few updating bits, but do not worry, as I remember them, I will be writing about them. You’ll just have to continue reading to find out!

P.S. I want to continue providing advice for you all, as this after all started as an advice blog. I am open to give wisdom in areas that I have experience(d) in.

 

xx Chavelita

College Update

Alright so maybe I fell off of the face of the Earth for the entire month of August, but no one told me how emotional this college transition was going to turn out. So here I will take the time to catch you up all as to what I have been up to this past month until now.

• Cultural shock. Just the atmosphere itself is different. Now I am lucky, no, EXCITED that I get to hear someone speak Spanish. When people would say that my hometown was like this safety bubble different from the rest of Texas, I did not obtain that full understanding until I actually left that bubble. That is the first of many things that I miss about home. I really hope to get over this cultural shock and learn to be able to connect with people here. 
• Food is a responsibility not a privilege. If I want to eat I have to either be able to make it in the comfort of my dorm room (which I don’t mind much because that is what I would do at home) or put my shoes on to head out to go grab something to eat. No more laying in bed and get the occasional texts from my mom of whether I want a fried egg or pancakes while I was still in bed. Also remembering to eat is important because as busy as that college life could get time managing is important to schedule when you are going to eat because you do not want to be that kid in the middle of a quiet room with a monster roaring for attention. 
• Grocery shopping is also something that I haven’t yet done but I will soon. Now I am going to be that lady who inspects all of her groceries to see if she is getting her money’s worth of food. Adulthood is just one curious thing after the other. 
• HOMESICKNESS. Not that I get homesick that often because I force myself to stay busy but when I have those times to reflect over my day, you can’t help but miss your parents and your friends. On my first time going to church alone, I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom and all the lovely people who I would see every Sunday. That was probably my biggest bump in the road but at least I went to church and continued moving forward. It’s still a part of who I am even though I am starting a new chapter in my life and I think it’s fine to be homesick so long as it doesn’t get in the way of the actual studying and learning part which is the reason why I left in the first place. 
• So many acquaintances, but still no friends. I have met so many people and seen so many people in these two weeks of school and it’s so refreshing to be seeing people from all parts of the world speaking in their native tongue. So far I have not made any friends that I spend time on a regular basis outside of classroom hours (excluding my dorm roommate) but I am still trying to remain optimistic that I will soon find my people and be more comfortable at my campus.
• I am now a Research Assistant in the Psychology department. Before I had left for college I received an email from my psychology major adviser stating that there was research assistant opportunities open since those who were research assistant are or already have graduated and needed new people to come fill in the spaces. At first I thought it was a long shot to apply for one of the positions because I honestly had no clue what I was getting myself into but my mentality of college being the time of experimentation I submitted my application. A few days after I had started my classes, I received an email from the person in charge of the study asking when was a good time that I could meet for an interview. Here I am thinking that, alright everyone gets interviewed it’s reasonable because they don’t want to blindly accept someone without knowing a few things about them. On that Friday (which was last week if we want to be more specific) of my interview I actually tried on my appearance, straightened my hair, applied makeup, ironed out my shirt, I wanted to make a good impression. Arriving there 15 minutes before my interview I was mustering the courage I had to actually knock on the door because I was already waiting outside the door. Turns out that the interview went a lot smoother than I expected, all the nervous feelings I had kind of just remained outside of the door and the interview felt more like a casual conversation between the graduate student who was interviewing me and myself. What stood out from the whole interview that he normally does not get undergraduate freshmen applying for research assistants this soon into their college career but that my application stood out. I STOOD OUT. And well he also told me that normally he does not pick freshmen for the position but he chose me. ME. I couldn’t have felt any more prouder in myself that day. I am starting this Tuesday and I am pretty excited as to what I get to do.
• Am I scared? A constant question I ask myself, but I can’t quite decide if I am really scared to just be in a new environment handling different situations or I feel more independent but just wishing to have someone that tags along with me so I don’t feel as lonely. For the most part, I don’t think much about the thought of being alone and doing things for myself. Perhaps this is the major turning point to teenager into the starting of adulthood. I know that if my mom was still around I would stay near here but it’s kind of hard when we’re 335 miles apart from one another. You come to that point that you just stop thinking about the things that are not important and actual pinpoint want needs to get done and you do it. No one is going to be telling me,  “Isabel, did you do your laundry?” “Did you eat?” “Have you showered?” “How about that homework?” It’s all on me (not that my parents had to constantly ask me these questions) but it feels great, I feel like I am more in control of my life. 
• Limits are well tested. Now that I don’t really have a comfort zone anymore because even in my dorm room I am not completely by myself with my roommate, your limits are tested constantly. As frustrating as there is no comfort zone to run to and take cover, I am now obligated to speak and share my ideas. I have spoken up when I need to and I have been speaking with people that I barely know which is a big step for me since I like to keep to myself. So I have this logic that if I keep talking, I will soon find that one friend. 
• Speaking about roommates… We actually get along pretty well! I only have one roommate, and I am really blessed that she is my roommate because even though she may not know it, she is the only person who listens to me here at school in person. To have that opportunity to speak to someone personally about one’s problems or just something on my mind, I think that is how I am keeping myself emotionally stable here to be honest. 
• Dorm room is a bit snug but it’s comfortable and for that I can’t complain. I have mixed feelings about having a dorm room that is almost at the end of the hall away from the elevators but at least I am closer to the stairs so in case of any emergency that results in evacuating the building I have that leverage. I am still getting used to having to walk around everywhere with my keys, I am surprised that I haven’t locked myself out of my dorm room yet. *knock on wood*
• Communal showers are not bad at all! Even though I shower in my cheap flip flops everyday, I can’t complain about the communal showers. There is nothing embarrassing about them either because just as a bathroom is made for everyone (in this case the ladies bathroom) has their business and does their business and then they leave. All the girls who I have been in the bathroom with have been respectful which is a plus side. There is enough space to not feel so cramped in one shower stall and there is also enough space to change clothes. THE SHOWER STALLS CAN CLOSE WHICH MAKES ME FEEL A WHOLE LOT SECURE. So yeah and the toilets are clean, thankful for the cleaning ladies they do such an amazing job keeping those bathrooms clean.
• Football games? Even though I may go by myself, I am planning to go to my first football game next Saturday (we had our first football game today) but I want to go the one next week because I play against my brother’s college and I want to be there when I kick his butt! aha

For those of you who are college freshmen just as myself we are in this together! I wouldn’t be surprised if you can entirely relate to what I have been feeling in just these last few weeks. For those who are planning on going to college soon, just know that college isn’t as bad as you think it will be. I still have those fears but I am sure you will be fine. Things just take time to settle in so take your time and take advantage of all those opportunities that you see and hear about! You will soon find your people!

How was your first weeks as a college freshman?

xx Chavelita

Day 16: What I miss…

Overall I miss having my family living under the same roof…

Since I am the youngest in the family, I basically saw my brothers growing older and soon leaving the house as they graduated while I still had a few years myself to finish up my high school career. I still remember my brothers and I we were walking to Walmart and on the way there just out of no where my oldest brother was really content that he would be the first one to finish school while my other brother in his voice I can sense a bit of jealousy. Then there was me also jealous and hurt to be the one left out. No one really warned me that being the youngest would be hard and weird because while your older siblings are out there figuring out their lives in the world, you’re left behind growing up on your own and even watching your parents grow older as well. I think the youngest siblings are the ones who grow to be more sensitive because we tend to grow more attached to our parents since they’re the ones who tend to be there the most.

On the other hand though, there are perks to being the youngest. You learn from your older siblings mistakes and you actually bond more with your parents now that there is more one on one time. My brothers pass down advice to me so that I wouldn’t commit the same mistakes they did and told me to apply myself differently and more efficiently in the future. Just growing up with brothers, I grew up with the idea of how men are supposed to treat women and now I am aware of what I should look for in a guy, what qualities to avoid, and how I should to speak to a guy. I learned to become more independent, to be strong, to treasure all the wonderful things while they last, to set my own goals and achieve them. If you were to asked me a year ago if I was able to manage taking care of my mom on my own and vice versa, then I would tell you no, but when you’re left with only one choice you end up taking the wheel, winging it as you go.

Just want you all to know that do not take family for granted whether you are living with your immediate family or not, cherish every moment you have together as a family. When you’re young yeah it may seem like graduating is centuries away and getting your apartment is another pair of years but trust me when I say this, those years will pass so quickly that you are left with only the memories to fall back on, make sure they are memories worth smiling and crying for.

What do you miss?

xx Chavelita